Sunday, May 6, 2012
Mania, Gift Wrapped
I am waiting for my Mania to come to my rescue. It is long overdue. Mania is the one reliable weapon I have during times like these. I feel as if I am being assailed on all fronts. Faced with bitter disappointments time and time again. I bury myself in projects, keep my mind occupied, push forward when all I really want is to curl into a ball and shut out the world. It is times like these when I seem to be blindsided by random acts of rejection and ghosts from the past coming back to raise the pain and angst of bitter disappointments. The sun loses brightness, the spring colors dim, I see the world through a haze, and wish it were not so. Where is My Mania? It should be here by now. I am clock watching, awaiting my tardy guest. Mania knows I can't maintain this level of darkness for long. Mania knows it needs to intercede, needs to my knight in shining armor. For I have no other hero to step up to my aid. No other paladin to rescue me from Me. Maybe Mania will be here tomorrow, when I wake. Maybe, if I am sure to send out a reminder, a wake up call, then Mania will surely come to my rescue. Of course it will come, Mania has never abandoned me, never left me to flounder for long. But I know that it may be just testing my mettle, setting back and watching as I fumble through the day. Mania smiles, knowing that I am being reminded of my need for it, making sure I appreciate it for the gift that it is. For my Mania is a gift, it comes wrapped in bright paper, with a beautiful bow, easily unwrapped, and always a delight. Maybe the gift will be here in the morning. I will hold that hope close. My Mania will come to me, save me, be my hero once again. Mania just has to remind me now and again that absence makes the heart grow fonder. I do love my Mania. I truly do.