Thursday, May 31, 2012
Calm? Not So Much.
Calm? Calm, you say? Not so much, it is all a facade. I am an expert at the calm demeanor when need be. And now, I need be. Inside I am bubbling up, boiling over, frothing, foaming. Excitement, anxiety, fear, panic, thrill, all at once, one large shot of adrenaline inducing awesome. I can't help it, too much, or not enough. I am not sure. But I am feeling something coursing through me like fire in my veins. It is as when my dogs leap to their feet, barking at "something." They have no clue what, just, "Something! Something!" Yes, it's like that. There is Something. I don't know what. I can't separate my emotions enough to even know if it is for good or ill. Just a vague trembling of anticipation, excitement, fear, panic, delirium, lunacy, focus, joy, anxiety. All rolled into one Something. I am hoping it will sort itself out soon, so I will know if I should be elated or terrified. But until then, I think I will just keep a calm facade, breathe, and try to get through the next few hours without exploding. It is exhilarating, this whirlwind of mine.