Saturday, May 26, 2012

I Don't Understand

    I do not understand people. I know I have touched upon this before. But it keeps rearing its head and staring me in the face these days. I fall prey to the misconception that people should act in a logical, or at least semi-logical fashion. But they do not. I find that intelligence has nothing to do with this, or education, or lack of it. What I am beginning to see it as  is lack of courtesy, empathy, understanding. Most people are so fixated on their own needs, dreams and desires that they do not look beyond their small sphere of reality and into the world around them. So inner focused, self focused, selfish, that they do not comprehend how their actions, words and deeds effect the world and people around them. Even, and maybe especially, those people closest to them. Assumptions are made that anyone and everyone is willing to just follow along, jump in the boat, be at the beck and call. Maybe, I fall into this mindset as well? I don't think so, I spend far too much time dwelling on how my words and actions effect others.
    I do find that I am less flexible now than I was even a few years ago. But I know that I stick to my guns because I am all too likely to allow myself to compromise all in order to keep harmony. I have done it too many times in the past, and not so past, to my own downfall and disappointment. There are so many days when I wish I could set aside my concern for others, my empathy, sympathy and understanding to just demand what I want, when I want it. No compromise. Just my desires, my dreams, my schemes, my wishes. Me. Mine. But I don't. Why? Because I know it does no good to force my dreams and wishes on another, it will just end in heartache. Mine. So instead, I am inclined to distance myself, refuse to play the game, stay alone and lonely. But I can't compromise my Self. I know dreams are fluid and can be altered if the incentive is right, my dreams change and alter to the circumstances. To me this is not a compromise, it is a meeting of the minds, finding new dreams, new desires, changing with the ebb and flow of life. But again, few people are as willing to see outside of their narrow sphere of self, they see such alterations as giving in, not as trying a different path. I am always interested in seeing what is down a new path, even if it is dark, shadowy and fraught with potential danger. That is what life is about. Finding new paths, not fearing change, not hiding within your own sphere of reality, clinging to a wished for future so strongly that you cannot see the beauty of a possible bright, new future right in front of you. Look beyond what is within your own arms' reach, see what lay just beyond your touch, and reach for it. Stop at the fork in the road, take the more difficult path, the rewards are often greater despite the scrapes and bruises. It is not as difficult as it sounds. Painful, sometimes. Heartbreaking, on occasion. But the rewards can be immeasurable.

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