Feeling haunted lately. People, places, things from my past. Demons come back for a friendly visit. Maybe it is the holidays and all they represent of family and friends, love, giving and receiving. Festivities to dress for. A home to decorate and fill with the smells of sweet and spice.
All this makes my mind wander to the past. A tree to decorate with handmade ornaments. Stockings to stuff on Christmas Eve, sneaking them into darkened bedrooms after the children are asleep. The thrill of Christmas morning, eager to see the reactions to gifts bought with more love than money. How can I not let my mind wander back to those joyful times?
Now, Christmas morning is sleeping in, hot coffee, feeding the menagerie. No stockings, no presents, not even a tree. But is this the reason for the haunted feelings? The Ghosts of Christmas Past? No, it is more than that. I don't quite know what. But it is more than that.
Heading into the dark, cold days of winter is never easy for me. Never. No matter how I prepare myself, there is the feeling of dread. Would it be any different if I weren't a loner? Maybe. Might be worse though. When my natural instinct is to withdraw and hibernate, the last thing I would need or want is someone underfoot trying to force me out of my winter shell. I don't know. I don't even know where I am going with this train of thought.
I do know my demons have been visiting at odd hours. Sometimes it is in the middle of the day, when I am at work. Sometimes randomly in the evenings. More often than not though it is in the darkest part of the night, stirring me from slumber, to play sledgehammer serenades on my brain. Little imps.