Wednesday, May 9, 2012

I Am Not The Backup Plan

    I am not the Backup Plan. I am not the Default Winner. I am not The Girl On The Side. And yet, this has been the story of my life. I would like, for once, to be The One, First Choice, The Grand Prize Winner.  Am I the only one who sees my worth, understands my value, appreciates my skills? There is an underlying frustration that seethes within, railing against the unfairness. I have found I am most appreciated after I am gone. Where is the justice in that? Is it too much to ask, for once, to be appreciated in the now? To be understood. To be wanted. Desired. To be the object of passion. These are actually simple things. Simple desires. Simple needs. To be The One, First Choice, for once. I concede, it is heartbreaking, and damaging. At times my self-esteem suffers. But I know my worth. I know my value. And truly, in the end, that is what matters. I matter to Me. I am My First Choice.

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