I think I am beginning to understand. To understand the strange behaviors of Brain and Body over the last few weeks. Brain has been leaping from intense focus, defining dreams, forming plans, to being scrambled, fogged, dreamy. And Body? Body has been afire with energy, active, flying, until the Crash, and desire for 10 hours of sleep. I have felt the rollercoaster, the highs and lows, the extremes. Day to day, I don't know where I will be in any given hour: High, Low, Focused, Dreamy, Energized, Somnolent? I was getting concerned over the extremes. Granted, I should be used to extremes within my own Brain and Body, it is my "Normal." I do believe that the last few weeks are the result of my high energies taking charge, blasting ahead, gathering input, making plans, and then stepping outside of the breakneck pace to ruminate, rest and recover. High energies take their toll. There is so much going on with Life these days, so many options, choices, pathways, dreams, desires, possibilities. So much to ponder that Brain becomes overwhelmed and begins to block out the incidentals, the unimportant, the mundane and plebeian. Brain narrows the focus, ignoring everything but the task at hand, the task Brain chooses to deem important at that moment. The only way I can think to bring Brain back into the present, is to focus on the future and make plans accordingly. I know I need to relax and go with Brain's Master Plan, accept the inevitable, enjoy the ride but hang on for dear life. Brain knows where we need to go, even if Brain is not in a sharing mood, and prefers to keep us all in the dark at times. I know we are moving forward, I just am not sure where we are going.
Body, on the other hand, is focused and insanely energetic. Body knows exactly where we are headed and is infused with drive and motivation. Body pushes forward, excited, strong, willing and eager. But even Body has limits, and we hit the wall every evening, when there is still much to be done. Hits the wall and crashes. When the crash comes there is no recourse except to crawl to bed and sleep, and it never feels like we get enough sleep. There is too much to do, too much fun to be had, to want to waste time sleeping. But Body does insist at times, and then there is no arguing, Body wins.
So where does all this lead me? It makes me realize that there is a Method To My Madness. My lunacies are not random. Instead I have realized that my lunacies are going to be my salvation if I can continue to work to understand myself, my actions, my own inner workings. If I can continue to allow Brain, Body and Spirit to act and react as need be, instead of trying to force alien behaviors, unnecessary actions. I must conserve energy by not fighting against my nature, my skewed, lunatic, artistic nature. Let Brain take the lead, trust instincts and reactions. Trust myself, release my creativity, let energy flow. I must believe that there truly is a Method To My Madness.