Monday, October 29, 2012

Inside My Head

   I once had a friend say to me, "I've wondered what it would be like to get inside your head, and then realized that it is probably a scary place." I laughed it off. What else could I do? But it is often the truth. I like being inside my head, even when it is alarming, weird, scattered, turbulent. It is my Mind, after all, and I am used to it. Used to it the way an experienced horse owner learns to manage a skittish, high strung horse without getting their head kicked in: approach carefully; make soothing sounds; touch gently; never make sudden movements or loud noises; handle with care.
    Lately I have become a bit concerned over my apparent inability to multi-task. I get focused on a project and all else falls away. I am getting behind on bill paying, and other grownup tasks, merely because I just don't think about them. My Mind is on other things, far removed from reality at times, and often far less mature than I probably should be. I feel driven to do certain things, and nothing else. I can't seem to change directions, and pay little heed to anything other than what my Mind deems important at the moment. If I try to work on something, anything, that my Mind is disinclined to want to do, then the task becomes nigh-on impossible to elicit any focus whatsoever, much less be done to completion. So, I let my Mind choose the path, instead of fighting it. I give my Mind the lead, and just go along for the ride. Much like letting a horse amble forest paths, letting the reins hang loose, just a warm body in the saddle, relinquishing control. I may not be accomplishing what I think I should be, but at least I am accomplishing something. It is the best I can hope for at times like these.

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