Thursday, October 25, 2012

A Little Stillness

    I am having a difficult time connecting with the real world today. Instead, my third eye is turned inward, focused on the surreal, unreal, creative, meditative, mist shrouded world that inhabits my mind. I believe this is the result of so much socialization, input, data, interaction that has yet to be fully processed. And so my mind draws away, retreats into the sanctuary that exists within my skull. I retreat and process, withdraw and ruminate. So much has transpired in the last few weeks, months, that I feel the need to sit back for a while and let events and thoughts catch up to where I am. I am beginning to feel out of synch, but not in the panic inducing, fearful, stressful, exhausting, defeating way that enveloped me the last year or three. Now I am feeling like I have run so far down the path that I need to stop in a sunny spot and wait for the rest of my world to catch up. So, I sit in the sun, eyes turned inward, reflecting, contemplating, visualizing the future. My future. I am not sure where this winter will take me, but then, no one really knows where they will be even a few hours into the future. I don't know if this next year will bring cataclysmic change, or subtle growth. Metamorphosis or quiescence. I know it will not bring inertia, I am done with inertia. But will the events that surround me, and effect my reality, cause monumental shifts? I feel the need for another quantum shift. Shall I force the issue? Or let it come to pass on its own? I think I shall watch and wait, nudge when needed, jump when appropriate. As much as I am inclined to Leap Before I Look, I think this will be a time for me to practice a modicum of patience as I align the game pieces of my life. So many pieces in play, so many balls in the air, so many thoughts tumbling around inside my skull. I need quiet, stillness, solitude to let Brain sort through the jangling mass, prioritize, contemplate, develop ideas, discard chaff. Life has been pell mell for so long I almost forget what it is like to sit in stillness. Pell mell but wonderful. Chaotic but vivacious. Frenetic but delicious. Quirky and tempestuous. Crazy and delirious.  Careening wildly. Joyous. Blissful. Such a pace cannot be maintained forever, without rest, without recovery. I know that after every race, every tough endeavor, I owe it to Body to rest and recover. I can't deny Brain the same courtesy. Brain needs to recline and review, coalesce, draw conclusions. So Brain and I withdraw just a bit, turn away from the world, retreat to our sanctuary to allow time to process and understand. It is not an option, it is a compulsion. I cannot but comply. It goes far beyond choice, and if ignored will merely carry me further into seclusion. Brain and I just need a little time, stillness, a bit of quiet. Just a little stillness.

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