Monday, October 22, 2012

Faith In Me. Faith In Myself.

    It is no surprise that after a weekend of great company, stimulating conversation, not enough sleep, too much food, and constant laughter, that I am starting my rainy, grey, work week with the optimism usually reserved for early summer weekends. My mind is whirring with ideas, thoughts, plans, schemes, on a foundation of love, understanding, encouragement. Hours spent talking, laughing, learning, sharing, dreams, fears, passions. Surrounded by family, friends old and new. Invigorating interplay. Energizing interactions. Fire of youth, Wisdom of age. In a setting of Ponderosa forests, high desert, frosty air, clean breezes, Nature adding her powers to fan the flames of creativity, joy, love.
    It would be nigh on impossible to walk away from such a weekend without knowing that the path to change, achievement, triumph, personal victory, lies within. Within my own heart and mind to affect change. Yes, I have always known this, and this last year I have proven it to myself over and over. But to have the knowledge reinforced, encouraged, lets me know that I am still, and always will be, the hand at my helm. At times I get tired of pushing through the difficulties that life likes to throw in my path. I work long and hard, to exhaustion and beyond, driving myself forward until I feel I can not take another step. I try and fail, try and fail, over and over until I reach the point when I feel it is futile to keep trying. Then, despite the odds seemingly against me, I stand up, stare life in the eye, and refuse to be beaten. Often, I am the only voice talking me off the ledge, the hand reaching down into the abyss to pull me out, my own lifeline. Times like this last weekend make me understand to the very marrow that mine is not the only voice telling me to move forward. Intelligent, encouraging, loving voices. There are strong hands when I need them. Strong arms, strong shoulders, strong minds, strong hearts. All there for me, if I need them. But I also know that I, too, have strong arms, strong shoulders, a strong mind, and a strong heart. By surrounding myself with those that have faith in me, it is easier to continue to have faith in myself. Even if it was just a weekend, a long, glorious, fantastic, hilarious weekend, it was more than enough to refuel my soul, energize my spirit, reinforce my belief in my shining future. I need these words written, penned, published, saved for future days, to be revisited when the darkness crowds in on me, demons whisper in my ear, the dank air rises from the abyss. This is a letter to Me, a Note To Self, a future reminder that I am capable of following what path I chose, and if that path dead-ends, I can and will find another. They have faith in me. I have faith in myself.

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