Monday, June 11, 2012
On The Cusp
On the Cusp. I know I am. I have reached a threshold, all I have to do is step over it and in to a new chapter of life. It is an exciting moment. Thrilling, exhilarating, terrifying, joyous, alarming. I pause, foot poised, ready to step. Why do I hesitate? Not from fear. Not from trepidation. I pause to consider the ramifications of leaping into this chapter. The potential is epic, amazing, exciting. Maybe that is what makes me pause, the mere thought of all the potential open before me. Can I withstand the forces of my own nature? In my exuberance do I risk inflicting damage? I do not fear for myself, I am resilient, as is my heart and mind, despite what you may think. I am of a mind to jump across the threshold, through this open doorway, into the next deliriously provocative chapter. I am fighting against the urge to Leap Before I Look, but it a struggle I will likely lose. I do not want to contain myself, do not want to hesitate. I want to throw myself forward with reckless abandon, ignoring staid advice, tossing aside preconceived notions of propriety, throwing any semblance of caution to the four winds. The whirlwind roils within my chest, pressing me forward, pushing me off balance, deliriously off balance, dizzy, giddy, beyond my control. Try as I might, I cannot rein this in. Do not want to rein this in. I want the full experience, heady, delicious, invigorating. I want to tastetouchfeel with every fiber of my being. I feel it rising in my chest, pounding in my skull, raging through my veins. I tremble, my hands quiver, I feel hot, cold, hungry. It has come back to my question from weeks ago, "What are you hungry for, when you don't know what you're hungry for?" I think I may know now. True, time will tell. But right now, this very moment, I believe that I may know. So, I stand on the cusp, looking ahead, waiting for the cue that will tell me I can plunge ahead with typical recklessness. Recklessness that has never been channeled to so wondrous a scenario. I hold my breath, waiting a cue, on the Cusp, ready, eager, quivering. On the Cusp.