I can feel it revving up again. It never ceases to fascinate me, the foreshadowing of an incoming episode. Whether Mania or Melancholy, I know it is coming before it actually hits. With epilepsy this is referred to as an "Aura," that strange sensation experienced directly before a seizure. Yes, I have experience with that too. I like the thought of a Manic Aura, and even a Melancholy Aura. It adds another level of elegance to the journey of my life. And now, with Manic Aura whispering in my ear, I am hoping I have had enough down time to be prepared to make the most out of this next whirlwind ride. As much as I can feel an episode nearing, there is no way to predict intensity or duration. It could be anywhere from mild euphoria and excess energy, to full-on adrenaline fueled delightful delirium. It is always a surprise, like Christmas morning.
I do like to be physically prepared as well, during my last Manic mode I lost 3 pounds and had to rein in my workouts since I was nearly injuring myself in my zeal. But Body is feeling Great, despite a weird return of the delicate stomach. This time around I know it isn't stress, and my appetite, and appetites, are healthy, there just seems to be little that my body wants to digest without complaint. No big deal really, I can always work around what are really minor issues in the overall scheme of things. The key is being able to continue to fuel the machine that is my body with appropriate rocket fuel so I can race pell-mell through my days without wreaking havoc on the vehicle that I inhabit. I am feeling insanely healthy, wanting to push myself through bigger and grander challenges.
Through the last few years, when all else felt totally out of control, I always felt that my body was the only thing I had any control over. Even so, it has only been the last 6 months or so since I feel that I have truly taken control, regained my old body, gathered my full strength, re-energized my true power, rebuilt my self-esteem, fueled the fire within, harnessed the athlete inside me. It has been a glorious reawakening. I honestly feel like a new woman; rebuilt, stronger, faster, better. Yes, like the Bionic Woman, but without all the aftermarket add-ons.
And now, I feel the Aura. It whispers in my ear, soft promises of glorious days and sleepless nights, adrenaline fueled Manic Dance Parties For One, overflowing energy, rampant delirium, raging appetites, joy, exhilaration, exuberance, glee, dance til I drop. It may be just a day, it may be a week. It might disappear before it is fully realized. I never know until it is over. But the Manic Aura itself excites me.