Awake before dawn, the world is nearly silent except for drowsy birdsong outside the window, and heavy breathing of slumbering dogs. My mind rises from sleepy simmer to roiling boil in record time. Brain feels overflowing with thoughts, plans, schemes. I lay in the gray world between the night and dawn, warm, relaxed, still, but with excitement building. There suddenly seems to be so much to do, so many options opening wide, near ripe opportunities waiting to be plucked from the vine. The excitement has followed me all morning, continuing to build, feeding upon itself, growing exponentially. I feel the overwhelming urge to organize, clean, purge and prepare. What I am preparing for? I do not know. But I know there are steps to be taken, preparations to be made, I must gird my loins, ready myself for battle, remain open to all the possibilities that are on my horizon, focus on the now, aim for my future.
I have said over and over that 2012 is The Year of Win. I have clung desperately to that ideal even through my darkest days of winter. I kept that before me as a Grail, lighting my way through fog, storm, and the depths of agonizingly lonely nights. I held it firmly in my hands and mind, knowing the truth of it, if only I had the wherewithal to create my own reality, the fortitude to keep moving forward despite the forces trying to hold me back. I have fought demons, ghosts, loneliness, despair, and managed to be the victor time and time again, despite the odds, despite fatigue and wavering faith.
Now, I feel battle hardened and ready for my new reality. I am strong. Stronger than ever before. I have grown, changed, altered my own perceptions. I have trod perilous paths, climbed endless mountains, fallen, picked myself up, plunged into the abyss and crawled back into the light. One cannot remain unchanged. I knew I could either try, fail and wallow in abject misery; or try, fail, try again, and fight my way back. I chose to fight. It is my nature, I am a warrior, I will stand on my own two feet and face adversity, alone or not. And now I find myself standing tall, scanning the horizon for my next great adventure, eager to begin, ready to meet any challenge head on. I know that changes are in the wind, I feel them as a tangible force. My subconscious knew, and stirred me awake with the joy of things to come. I am poised, strong, ready, eager, excited. I do not know what is coming, but I know that a new reality is hovering just beyond the horizon, just behind the sunrise. And I am ready.