Thursday, July 12, 2012
For what has seemed an eternity I have felt that I was living in a parallel universe, an alternate reality that was out of phase with everything going on around me. No matter how I tried to to bring my life into phase so I could move forward, make changes, find a solid footing within the chaos of life, I always seemed to either fall short or jump the gun. My timing was continually off, either jumping too soon and getting run over by the train, or jumping too late and missing it entirely. Neither was getting me anywhere but injured. I felt I was constantly scraping myself out from the grooves of the cowcatcher and painstakingly piecing myself back together, or picking myself up from the dirt to watch my ride crest over the horizon without me. To say it was frustrating would be like comparing a mosquito bite to a compound fracture. I toiled, wept, fought, struggled, wept some more, and nearly gave up in my attempts to gain a toehold in a substantial reality. I am not sure if I was, once again, just trying to jump start my chosen path before the path was ready for me, and hence, the continued struggles? Or is it that the Powers That Be deemed it essential that I try and fail, try and fail, and try again in order to fully appreciate and acknowledge the rightness of finally finding myself moving forward into a potentially great and satisfying journey? Were the PTBs just toying with me as an ant in an ant farm under the magnifying glass of a curious child? Or making me stronger so I can withstand the Forces of Nature that are still bound to blow me off course now and then? I do not know. May well never know. But it does not matter. I have made a difficult journey, am possibly still making a difficult journey, but for the moment it seems as if the roadblocks, washed out gullys and mudslides that I had grown so accustomed to are curiously absent. So, for now, I am striding forward, unimpeded, taking advantage of the clear path to truly stretch my legs and my wings. For the moment, I am leaping forward, gathering momentum, gaining speed, feeling the wind in my face. Finally, moving forward at speed.