Tuesday, July 17, 2012

My Luck Dam

    For the last few years, okay, more like the last decade, I have felt like I was straining, fighting, pushing, struggling to just make a step forward, one step towards any given goal. My path was blocked, detoured, laden with bogs, quicksand, pitfalls. So much energy was expended every single day just so I could feel the slightest sense of accomplishment when my head hit the pillow at night. A good friend told me I was overdue "for the Luck Dam to break." And it seemed like a solid truth. Life thwarted so many of my attempts to move ahead, progress, reach tangible goals. When life finally started to give an inch, it felt as if it took a mile, a pound of flesh, blood in blood out. My first successes on some fronts were countered by abject failure on others. I would have to force myself to try and see with unbiased eyes the progress I had made, without seeing the devastation that seemed to swirl around me. I tried to see that the storm clouds that followed me everywhere were also watering the seeds of change. This is not an easy slight of hand to perpetuate over a period of months. And gullible and naive as I am, it was still no easy task to keep convincing myself of my own bullshit.
    But, all that being said, suddenly it feels as if my friend was right, I was long overdue for the Luck Dam to break. It feels as if it finally has. Yes, with the agony of birthing pains, and now with an overwhelming, near to overpowering rush of changes. Floodwaters unleashed, frothing, foaming, scouring the countryside, purging the old, leaving behind the new, unstoppable, unconfined, a raging force of nature not to be denied. So much happening, so many changes. Now instead of me struggling to push my life forward, it is racing ahead with breakneck speed and I feel I am sprinting just to stay abreast of my day to day existence. As exhausting as forcing life was, this is even more so, but exhilarating and satisfying. Life rushes forward at flood stage, spilling over the banks, lapping at my feet, filling Brain with ideas, Body with energy, and Spirit with power. The Luck Dam, burst forth in an unstoppable flow. I feel finally unchained, unfettered, riding the rapids. My life stretches before me, full of potential, possibilities, challenges, and I want it all. I want the flood to fill me to overflowing with desire, passion, hunger, drive. My Luck Dam, now lying in rick rack piles as Luck and Life pour over the debris with the power of a millrace. The Luck Dam has burst, and with it my life flows forward.

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