Friday, July 27, 2012

Happy Ramblings

    I firmly believe that we make our own happiness. Yes, I do understand that life tends to be waiting to toss random shit my way, knocking me down a notch, tripping me up, slapping the back of my head when I'm not looking, derailing many of my efforts. I know this all too well. But I still know that my happiness is my responsibility and mine alone. I am not talking about burying my head in the sand to avoid the stress, hostility, negativity that seems to be all around, more like building a defensive force field to minimize the impact. This force field falters frequently, and I get hit with the full phaser blast of shitstorm square in the chest, stunning Body and sending Brain into an apoplectic seizure. But I know that when this happens it is up to me, and no one else to perpetrate a remedy.
    Being happy is not always a matter of fighting back from the full-on shitstorm blast, but is also preemptive, self perpetuating, and can be nurtured and harvested if tended to appropriately. I know many people, and yes I can fall into this category, who look to others for their happiness. Who assume that they cannot be happy without the Fates and Powers That Be steering fulfillment their way. I choose to seek out the bare essential ingredients and then build my happiness from scratch. I have realized that this pertains to surroundings as well as relationships. Start with the basics and build. Happiness takes a certain amount of effort. I know many people will argue that fact, and in the brief, spur of the moment hilarity kind of happiness, that is true. But I am talking deep contentment, inner peace, stability, solid relationships. These are key to having a level of happiness that transcends jocularity.
    Yes, I love a good belly laugh as much as the next guy. Laughing til you almost pee is fun on a whole new level. But I am building a life that makes me happy, gives me that solid foundation I need when Brain short circuits and sends me spiraling out of control. I have been lacking a foundation for so long, that I find I am already feeling more at ease with the inevitable winter darkness than I have in years. Oh sure, I know I will have days of holing up in my little house and ignoring the world as best I can, but I am feeling less troubled about the severity of my episodes. I owe this to a new found feeling of security in nearly every level of life. Sure, my job still leaves much to be desired, but I have several pots simmering with potential and am just waiting for the full boil. True, I still live alone, but my aloneness is being alleviated regularly and delightfully, so the long lonely nights have become much a thing of the past. It has been a long while since my inner Demons have had a chance to harangue me in the night. I am building strong, solid, loving relationships on several fronts; sisters, brothers, friends.
     This is what I mean by being responsible for my own happiness. Yes, there are loving people who are there for me and adding to my sense of security and contentment. Yes, my home life is feeling stable. Yes, financial changes are in the air. True, these are outside forces, but they are in my life because of choices I have made, steps I have taken. I chose to open my heart to people who now love me. I have made a concerted effort to not let past events color my abilities to find happiness, build loving relationships, seek contentment. And I am succeeding. I am happy. I am content. I Love my Life.

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