"This is Brain on Fatigue" *cue egg frying in skillet.* Fatigue acts as a mild hallucinogen on Brain. When tired, Brain wanders odd pathways with no set objective, much as in the days of my Misspent Youth when I was known to indulge in the "occasional" chemical recreation. No, never anything hardcore, just simple little voyages into mood altering substances. But I digress, this is not a confessional of my halcyon days, but merely an attempt to explain. And so fatigue, legal and socially acceptable, flips on the mental meanderings most can only access through consumption of illicit chemicals, and withe far fewer messy side effects. I consider myself quite fortunate, I never have to rely on induced intoxication, though Fatigue has its own weird hangover.
Day in and day out I am usually in one form of altered state or another; Mania, Melancholy, Fatigue, Euphoria. Each has its own unique form of altered perception. Mania easily replicates the unrelenting, spastic energy of amphetamines. Melancholy has the cry-in-your beer, achy, lethargic, sleep disrupting earmarks of alcohol, as well as the self-flagellating, degrading delusional aspects of long term heroin abuse. No, I have never tried heroin, so that particular comparison is based on speculation and observation. Fatigue has the laid back, spaced out, meandering mind, demotivational, attention deficit aspects of a bong hit, replete with munchies. Euphoria is a drug unto itself, an altered state that is more elusive than the others, and far more desirable then, say, Melancholy, and reminds me of a mild acid trip with heightened perceptions, boundless energy, and a brain misfiring on all cylinders.
But lately, Fatigue has been more the constant companion. Largely from lifestyle choices, racing through the summer taking every advantage to play, compete, workout, work outside, cycle, run, motorcycle, see the sights, enjoy our brief summer. There is too much to do to waste time sleeping. I figure my annual hibernation mode is only a few months away, and then there will be plenty of time to rest. Once the autumn rains come, and they will come, then I can sleep. But for now, I am enjoying Life. I am partaking in as many opportunities as I can. I am exploring options, pushing boundaries, stepping outside the parameters that confined me for so long. So Fatigue will be my companion, with all the unusual effects. I will let Brain meander, wander in circles, step out to lunch, run on autopilot. But I also know Brain will be there in full frontal when needed. So this is Brain on Fatigue, silly, spaced out, goofy, short circuiting Brain. We will rest, one of these days, but not quite yet.