Monday, April 30, 2012
Emotions. More Emotions
Feeling a level of angst with no perceptible cause. Is it just pent up emotions with no place to go? The stressors of my every day life? Maybe just a manic episode hovering over my shoulder awaiting its moment to rain deliciously delirious chaos down upon me like a sweet, fiery shower? Whatever the reason, I feel it in my chest like an itch I cannot reach. It buzzes inside my skull like honeybees on the buckwheat blossoms, harvesting the dripping nectar of my brain. It is a physical manifestation of emotion. It is a burning desire, a hunger, and yet it is an over abundance. My hands clench and unclench with the need to be holding and held. I feel the heat, and yet I shiver. I want to explode upon the world. Run. Shout. Weep. Giggle. It builds, pressure in my heart, burning in my mind, humming in my veins. My body feels alive with whatever emotion seems to be attempting a coup upon the vessel that is me. There are few things that will tame the flowing, fiery feelings building like floodwaters behind a dam. Too few alternatives. And most of those explosive releases are not available to me. I know where this will end. Not where my mind and body might wish it to. It will end as it always does, with weight lifting and striding for miles, and maybe, if I cannot reach the point of satiation, then another manic Dance Party for One. Such is my fate, it seems.