Friday, April 13, 2012

Being Naked

    "It's easy to take off all your clothes and have sex. People do it all the time. But opening up your Soul to someone, letting them into your Spirit, Thoughts, Fears, Future, Hopes, Dreams... That's being Naked."
    On ocassion, a quote will strike a chord with me. A deep, visceral understanding of its truth. And as much as I am inclined to scoff at the over sharing of trite, blythe, homogenized happy horseshit, once in a while I stumble upon a truth.
    Baring your Soul, sharing your hopes and dreams, revealing your fears and weaknesses, allowing another to see and share your vulnerability is to indeed be naked to the world. It is frightening yet exhilirating, terrifying yet empowering. I know from experience. It is not something I have done often, truly only once. And in reality, it did not turn out well. As a matter of fact, once the whole experience was over I was left feeling violated and betrayed. I bared all, trusted at the deepest level, and in the end that trust was betrayed, I was left torn and alone, left on the side of the road with my dignity in shreds and my soul sullied, but my spirit was unbroken. It led me into a long, dark winter, but also a season of rest and rebirth. Never at any point did I regret my choice to bare it all. It made me feel strong, inspired. It was as if I had transcended to a new level of self understanding. Yes, there was terror, and in the end agony, but it was a journey that allowed me to understand how deep I am willing to go, how much I have to offer. I regained my self esteem, and self respect. And in the end, after wrapping the shreds of my dignity around me, brushing the ash from my soul, sweeping away the carnage, my true passionate nature burst to the surface. Taking the plunge, risking all, daring to be truly naked earned me my hard won freedom. My Spirit was freed from a lifetime of restraint.
    Where does this leave me, besides alone? It has left me with a willingness to take that risk again, a desire to allow those that know me to know me better. I wish that I could be open and honest, passionate and vulnerable with anyone who is important to me. I know that my vulnerabilities do not make me weak, they are a strength, to face my fears makes me brave, to dream of a future gives me hope, my thoughts though wild are intelligent, my lunacy is my grounding. My newly awakened fire and passion are incredible forces of nature, and I refuse to rein them in again, force them to be dormant, though they may alarm the unsuspecting. My nakedness is joy, beauty, passion, elation, enlightenment, freedom. From the depths of my heart I have learned that I am smart, sexy, funny, passionate, talented, strong, kind, and honest with myself. Baring my soul, my self, was a journey to truths long hidden, and worth the pain, worth the fear, worth the risk. And it really taught me that although life never seems to turn out as planned, I can grow and change, learn and improve, from either failure or triumph.  

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