Thursday, February 7, 2013
Take A Deep Breath And Jump
My life is opening like a rose, layer upon layer, petals spiraling out, splaying wide to show the potential glory. Yes, I do have days when I am dispirited and feeling as if I have an anchor chain around my neck, but I know this is merely my demons doing their best to cast their shadow over what is unfolding into a beautiful adventure. My demons whisper doubts into my ear, trying to revive feelings of fear, failure, inadequacy, loneliness, despair, rejection. They wait for the right moment and then they whisper, and I do find myself listening, and believing for a brief, dark moment. I bow before the onslaught, curl in on myself, wrap around my fear, feel the sting of tears, panic that I am not worthy or up to the task. I doubt myself. I lose faith in myself. Then I raise my head, look them in their burning red eyes and spit in their faces. They will not hold sway over me, I will not allow it. I will not crumble beneath their crushing assault of untruths. Instead I look at what has happened, what I have achieved, what I am achieving every day, where I am going with my life, and the adventures already set in motion for a glorious future. I set aside fear and despair, dejection and depression, and stepped forward into my world, reinventing and reinvesting in my life. I have named dreams long held secreted in my heart, and have made them become reality. I have found a bold and adventurous kindred spirit to share the thrill and excitement of ventures yet to come. I know my demons prey upon my fear of living such a bold life, my fear of stepping outside of my comfort zone, out into the wilds of the world. Yes, I have an adventurous spirit, a desire to see the world, sample its wonders, taste its spice. It is a spirit that has so long been held in check that it is timid of the daylight, and must be coaxed and cajoled at times, booted out of the nest, forced to sink or swim, allowed to experience her inherent strength. My life is very much like the first flight of an adolescent hawk; tentative and a little clumsy to start, faltering just a bit, but spreading wings wide, and soaring as I learn to ride the wind. Flight; terrifying, exhilarating, beautiful, unnerving, unsteady, but stronger and more confident with every stroke of my wings. I will not let fear keep me nest bound. I will take a deep breath and jump.