In the ongoing effort to quell my nagging Demons I am a bit of a workout freak. It is the most effective means of beating the little bastards back into their catacombs. Last night, as I was out running, bundled against the cold, thankful that the sleet had abated, I began dissecting a few of my little bastard Demons. I tend to dwell on the past, especially past relationships. Not in a pining way, not in a wistful way, but in more of an analytical way. This includes all relationships, casual and otherwise. I do feel regrets, how can you live a long life without some regrets? My regrets hinge on the knowledge of pains I have inflicted, not intentionally or maliciously mind you, but some things are just painful. But I digress, my thoughts last night were not on regrets, pain, or suffering. I was thinking of how people move through our lives. Some for a lifetime, some for a month, a day, a moment. Our lives are effected by each of these encounters, and what we take away from the experience is wholly up to us. How we chose to react, respond, grow.
I believe that some people come into my life at the right moment, to help me with one piece of the puzzle that is me, and then they move on. Piece by piece, building a lifetime of memories, lessons, skills, understanding of self. I do not chose people for the purpose of extracting that puzzle piece that I need, I am not a user or abuser, but I am a realist (also an idealist, but that is a whole different can of worms). My life is a puzzle that will never be complete, I know this as fact, but as I fill in the pieces I can begin to see the picture in all its complexity, vivid hues, contrasts. I am thankful for the people who have moved through my life, helping me to learn and grow. I think over past relationships and pull out pearls of wisdom, lessons that were hard taught, painfully learned, but adding to the depth and breadth of Me.
I also believe that some people come into life when they are most needed, and will always be an integral part of life. These are the kindred spirits, family born and family found, friends, brothers, sisters, lover. These are the people that form the core of our existence. In my case, the very few people that form the foundation of my clan. I do not allow many people into the inner sanctum, the number can be counted in single digits. It is truth. I don't know if my selectivity is directly related to my introverted nature, or my empathic abilities that leave me raw to abrasive or hostile entities. Or am I just so difficult to get along with that no one stays? I like to think the latter is not the case. Whatever the reason, the few I have found are all the more cherished because of their rarity. And not to be taken for granted.
My life is better because of the people that have moved into my sphere, whether they stayed or moved on. I choose to take the puzzle pieces they offered and attempt to fit them into the massive jumble that is Me. All the edge pieces are in place, and large chunks of the center. I am seeing the picture more clearly with each passing day. It is a lifelong work, a true puzzle, but also a work of art. one piece at a time.