Choices

    Recently, an anniversary came and went without fanfare. The one year anniversary of me making a life altering decision. It was not a decision made lightly, or without ample forewarning, it was thought out and executed despite the fact that I knew it would cause me a mountain of grief and suffering. I was not wrong. The grieving process lasted a solid 8 months. I went through all the stages: Denial; Anger; Bargaining; Depression; and Acceptance. Some stages I went through several times. Some became nearly a way of life for a period of time. Some were definitely more painful than others. At times I felt damaged beyond redemption, wrecked, ruined. I knew what I would likely go through, but made the tough choice to save my own soul. I had to make the tough choices, because no one would have done it for me. It was my decision. My life-saving choice. True, I lost friends and connections, some had to choose sides, and I do not begrudge them that. But I survived it, came out stronger, saner, healthier than ever before. I feel as if I were cleansed by the fire, all the negativity that was holding me back was burned away, and I was finally allowed to flower, change, metamorph, thrive, truly live my own life as it was meant to be lived. This has truly been a summer of change, on every level. Yes, I am still the person I have always been, but am now far more true to myself than I have ever been. I am at the zenith of my life with no sign of it letting up. Yes, the pace does get exhausting at times, but it is a justified, physical exhaustion, not the fatigue of mental and emotional drain.
    Six months ago, I would have thought it impossible that this anniversary would go past unnoticed, even by me. But today I realized just that, it had indeed come and gone, and I did not even notice. I was too busy living my life, enjoying my day to day existence, looking ahead to growth, changes, challenges, and constant betterment of myself and my life. The joyful journey that is Me.