Monday, May 6, 2013

Blue Collar Ramblings

    Blue collar Girl in a white collar world. As usual, finding myself adrift in a world I do not truly understand. A world of otherness, where my own strange aloneness seems all the more pronounced. I have stepped into this other world as one steps through the turnstile of a carnival. All around me the sights, sounds, and smells are bigger, brighter, unreal to me. It is not my world and I am easily overwhelmed by the cacophony. I try to observe, enjoy the sights, take them with a grain of salt. I try to take pleasure in the shiny. But as always, I cannot help but see past the facade. The veil lifts and I see the noisy inner workings. And once seen, cannot be unseen. At times I feel the Country Mouse, overwhelmed. At times I feel more like the hedgewitch come down off the mountain, content within my own simplicity, and aghast at the conspicuous consumption. I wonder, am I alone in this world of otherness out of bitterness, envy, covetousness? A blue collar girl, raised with simple tastes because there were not the means for extravagance? I am content with my simple tastes, the simple joys of life. I have worked hard for what I have, and it is mine by right. Hard fought and well earned. I have not had a privileged life, not for a moment. I see it around me, and am amazed how it is taken for granted. Am I bitter? Resentful? Does envy tint my interpretation of the psychology of acquisition? Maybe. But I think that as one with simple tastes, a simple life, and a contentment deep within my soul, it is not hard for me to see the constant chase of the next shiny thing as a vain hope to fill a void. Our world has become so much the world of conspicuous consumption, the need for bigger and brighter, faster and newer. Maybe the search for the next great thing needs to happen within. Blue collar girl in a white collar world? Or the only voice of reason in a world driven by vacuous desires. I am rambling, barely coherent, feeling devastated and down, skirting the abyss, fighting for a tenuous grip, stressed and overloaded, but despite it all I know I am content with my life. How many people can say that? And I do not need a new shiny, I just need some sleep.

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