Goals. We set them as the gold standard. The high bar to to strive for personal best and success. I often set myself with impossible goals; Retire at 50 (yeah, like THAT will happen, seeing as how I'm now 49), the perfect life, the perfectly restored vintage home on many acres, the new car, a stable full of motorcycles. I guess these are more realistically the "if I won the lottery" dreams than actual goals.
So where do I stand on goals? I have set myself a few, one being to work on my writing every day. Not so unrealistic, until another goal intrudes: a home with acreage. The dilemma? I have found such a home, it is cheap (for a reason, I'm sure) therefore affordable for me on my own, single income. Why is that a problem, you might ask. Because my brain is now firing on all cylinders with the vague, vain hope that I might actually be able to buy a home of my own. Again, you may wonder why that is a problem. The problem is that with the dream/fantasy of my own home, that is ALL I can think of. It drives any other thoughts from my mind. I can't even focus on the simple tasks. All I can think of is The House. Hell, I've even picked out paint and I haven't seen the place in real life yet.
Now, I try repeatedly to force myself back to reality. I haven't seen the place yet, but will at 2pm today. I am not approved for the loan yet, so that could crush my dreams. There may already be another offer on the home, which is why it was pulled off the market after 24 hours the last time it was listed. I worry that I am setting myself up for another cataclysmic Fail, with a capital F. I get so excited and then get knocked back to earth, and it gets harder to pick myself up each time. I can't help it, it is the way my brain operates. But I have to keep trying.
I do wish I could get my brain to settle down though, I'm afraid it will stay stuck in high gear until it burns itself out. Not to mention how exhausting it all is. I just need to get through today, see the house, make an offer and take my chances that everything will go through all right. Yes, I'm a bit of a gambler and don't mind leaping before I look. Some day, that is liable to damage me beyod repair, but I have to think "but not today."