I am more resilient than I usually give myself credit for. Another weekend passes and another let down. Drove an hour to look at a house I was very excited about just to discover that 2 of the neighbors look like potential tweakers. Not my idea of a safe environment. Oh well, at least this time I did the rejecting. I'm not sure why I continue my real estate self flagellation. I'm not pre-approved, don't make much money, and my job is tenuous at best. But still I persevere because I don't know what else to do.
Then today, I got another politely worded rejection email from a potential job. I had high hopes for this one, I would have been good at it. But once again I am rejected before even making the interview round. Am I delusional to think I can be hired out of the tight sphere of my current job field? I am good at what I do, and the skills would easily transfer to any office position. I think so anyway.
This brings me to my current state of mind. Do I keep plugging away, getting rejection after rejection, obviously NOT having what they are looking for in these basic, entry level office jobs? Or do I try and change directions? Again. My whole reason for pursuing government jobs within the criminal justice/code enforcement realm was to try and break free of the banality of sales and office work. But would it really be any different. Same job different office? What is the definition of insanity? Repeating the same action over and over, hoping for a different outcome? Is that what I am doing?
Regardless of the insanity of my actions, whether it be the self flagellation, or continuing to pursue jobs that the government obviously does not think I am qualified for, I managed to end the day on a decently high note. I refuse to let myself be beaten down by my circumstances. I won't let myself stop having some small scrap of a dream, despite the multitude of let downs I have faced over the last few years.
A friend told me that I am overdue to have the Luck Dam break, and I am. Long overdue. I have spent so much of the last few years either waiting for others to fulfill promises, or reaching out just to be slapped down. I keep pulling myself up by the proverbial bootstraps and attempting to carry on. I dust myself off of the debris of the latest fall, hold my head up and move forward. That is until something or someone tries to knock me back down a notch. But I refuse to give up on myself and my dreams, schemes and plans.
Tonight is a good night to write, and dream.