Anyone who knows me is familiar with my tendency to want to make things happen. I do not like waiting around, hoping everything will sort itself out, wishing, hoping, expecting everything to eventually work out. Patience is not one of my virtues. This is not to say I am an, "I want it and I want it now," kinda girl. But that I do not like to trust in fate, destiny, the winds of change. I want to be the hand at the tiller, the driving force of change, the master of my own destiny. But one thing I have had to acknowledge over the years is that sometimes you just cannot force change, you must wait until the time is ripe. This is where my lack of patience makes me as unruly as a hungry kindergartner waiting for snack time. For so long, so much of my life seemed on hold, changes were hard won, victories were seldom but sweet. Many of the changes that I have wrought have come with the steep price of blood, sweat and tears. Oceans of tears. I did force changes, forged them from the fire and steel of my own inner self. Suddenly, after an eternity of arduous work, life has seemed to break free of the restraints keeping me earth bound. Life is beginning to fall into place, slipping effortlessly into rhythm like a well written song. True, there are still changes to be wrought, but after endlessly tacking into a head wind, I now see myself adroitly steering my ship into the current, instinctively finding the gulf stream, the wind at my back and sunshine on my face. Using the sky to map my way, Celestial Navigation, letting my stars align and lead the way. I felt the shockwave of alignment, as my whole world clicked into place. A miraculous feeling. A sense of wonderment, awe, disbelief.
I am on the alert for the cosmos to decide that it was all a jest, and have everything slide back into chaos, have the winds shift and drive me into the rocks. It has happened before. But I think this unlikely this time around. I have toiled relentlessly, floundered and fought back, fallen and climbed back from the abyss. This precious moment has not been without cost, or come as a gift unearned, it has come about through dogged perseverance. I see my stars aligning, the cosmos whispering that my time has come, a solar wind breathing warmth into my soul. My stars have aligned. It is now My Time.