Thursday, September 1, 2011

Skewed Reality

    It is amazing how my life can suddenly take a 180 and leave me feeling adrift, scattered, alone and numb. And with this sudden, inexplicable skew in my reality comes the difficulty of reconfiguring my brain to match. I have felt that changes were in the air, I have been striving to make positive changes in my day to day existance as well as my long-term perspective. But this latest cataclysm actually blind-sided me with its destructive potential. No, it is not the end of the world, nor is it fatal or apocalyptic. But it has altered my life, lifestyle, perspective, potential, and path. Altered it irrepairably, irrevocably and irrationally. What was true yesterday morning when I awoke, is far from the truth today. As I rode to work, shivering in the cold, crisp morning air, it seemed as if the bright sun rose on a whole different me and mine.
    It is hard to get my mind around how my life will be affected in the next days, weeks, months. I have a solid feeling that by the new year there will be very little that is recognizeable about my life. And that is hard to grasp. But as yesterday proved, there is no gaurantee of any reality staying true to its course.
    If I were to hazard a guess or prediction I think it is safe to say that by the new year I will be living in a communal household, striving to become debt free, struggling to launch a business venture, submersing myself in my craft to the exclusion of all else, totally lacking a social life, definitely lacking a sex life, having flashbacks to my Thin Mint House days as I co-habitate a large old house with half a dozen 20-somethings and a band in the basement, regressing into my punk-rock mentality/personality, and trying hard to not become the crazy lady on the 2nd floor with too many animals in her solitary room. Like I said, suddenly skewed reality. It is a far cry from what I was imagining as recently as 36 hours ago... a far, far cry.
    But if there is one thing I learned yesterday, it doesn't take much to cause a reality shift. It does not take a cataclysmic event, a death-ray, a paradigm shift, a cosmic twist... all it takes is a chance statement, a reaction, a brief conversation that hits the dark, salient points. So I imagine it is quite possible that I may get blasted into yet another reality at any time, around any corner, and most likely it will hit me when I am thinking that my course is straight and true. That is the actual reality of my life, that there is nothing certain, nothing dependable, no path that leads straight and true.

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