Wednesday, September 14, 2011


    Every day a new challenge rears it's head. I try to think of them as Challenges and not Obstacles, Road Blocks or Dead Ends. Some days this is tougher than others. But today I feel up to the task. I shouldn't. I should be feeling battered, drained and nearly hopeless. But that is not my nature (despite what some may think). It is not in my nature to give up in the face of overwhelming forces, I prefer to think of it as a "target rich environment." Okay, that may be stretching it a bit, but the point is that no one will take care of these "Challenges" for me, I must do it on my own.
    Honestly, sometimes I think that I am at my best when I am battling adversity. Yeah, I may bitch and moan, I may even have hysterics and cry, but then I shake it off and get back to the business of My Life. I hold no one else responsible for my life, it is My Life to do with it what I will. Of course the chaos of the world around me sometimes affects my abilty to make rational choices, or do much more than sit in the corner dithering and drooling, but I can usually manage to see beyond the chaos and know what needs to be done.
    Some days, living My Life boils down to mere survival. Doing everything I can to make it from one day to the next emotionally, physically, financially. But even when I am in survival mode I have a vision of where I want to be, where I need to be with my Life. This vision has not altered much through the course of my life. It is not much different from the Dream-Life I had when I was 16, or even 12. I still want too may animals, some private land, maybe some forest, and a giant rumpus room with an indoor swing and trampoline. Granted, the Rumpus Room of the "mature" me would also include my workout gear, heavy bag, speed bag, and barre (ballet barre, not beverage bar.... in case you were wondering). I also wouldn't mind a climbing wall and obstacle course, though this could go outside if need be. Yes, I am currently in survival mode, I usually am, but I am also actively pursuing the Dream-Life. The Dream-Life that incompasses home, career and life in general. It is hard work. I get up early, spend the day doing everything I need to survive, then try to fit in a few hours of hard work towards the Dream-Life, and finally head to bed too late and very tired. Only to rise early and start all over again.
    I cannot be content to be unhappy with my circumstances. I work very diligently to maintain a positive outlook on life even when I am feeling battered and grubby. I know I have mentioned many times about feeling as though Life kicks me in the teeth, but I try to follow that with the fact that I pick myself up, dust myself off, bandage the road rash, and get back to the business of pursuing my Vision. I won't allow myself to accuse others for my shortcomings, though this is hard at times, times when I would rather shirk the blame instead of admitting that I am the only one responsible for Me. I accept my culpability for my situation, even when choices were made based on the actions of others, they were my decisions and I made them. This is not the time for blame games, self-recriminations, finger pointing, or martyrdom. It is a time for self-fulfilling prophesy, productivity, achievement, attainment. It is time to fight for the Vision, the Dream-Life. It is not, nor ever will be, time to roll over and give up. I will not let Challenges become Dead-Ends. I will, however, meet Challenges head on and turn them into opportunities and learning experiences. Target Rich Environment.

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