I have the patience of a 3 year old. I know this. It is a truth about myself that I have accepted and embraced. Yes, I can force myself to be very patient, and appear calm and accepting to the world, but inside I am a roiling mass of angst and turmoil. I want it and I want it NOW. Is that so hard to understand? Is that wrong? I think not.
Want what? There is a list. Top of the list, of course, is my own home. A sanctuary of my very own. A domicile to do with what I want, with no one to raise an eyebrow at my less than run-of-the-mill design concepts. A place that I can develop into my ideal space, inside and out. It is a dream that has been on hold for about 8 years while I have been waiting for the volitile real estate world to settle back in to some semblance of normalcy. I have kept my eye on the bubble, knowing it would burst, and knowing that eventually prices would return to a sane level. It has been a long, agonizing wait. And trust me, I have not liked it one bit. Not one bit. But now, I feel I am on the verge. Calls have been made, contacts contacted, balls rolling, paperwork started, house selected. Now for the damnable waiting. Of course, I am sure that the house I am dreaming of will be gone by the time the slow gears of government finance grind through my application. I watch, with bated breath, knowing that I will lose out on what may possibly be the perfect (or near perfect) home. It is making me crazy. yes, I know that there are other houses on this glutted market, buit it seems that now that I am actually pursuing the reality of realty that the choices are slim to none. At least for what I am looking for with a price I can afford. I am making sure to not overextend myself financially. I may lack paatience, but I do not lack common sense (thank the gods).
Second on the list is a satisfying, fulfilling, altruistic job. Yeah, I don't ask for much. Apparently I am too particular to be satisfied with a tolerably decent paying job that is about as secure as anything can be in these uncertain times. But in all fairness, I am relieved to be in the same dead end job at this particular moment. Why? Because despite my frustration with my job, I have been here for a solid 5 years and in the industry for 10 years. Makes me look good to the mortgage peeps. So, dream job search is on the back burner for the moment and dream house takes precidence (as it should be).
There are other things on the list, but I think they will fall into place easily enough once goals one and two are accomplished (especially #1). So I will force the appearance of a calm demeanor so as not to alarm the sheeple and frighten off prospective realtors, lenders and employers. It is an Herculean effort, I would rather clean the Augean Stables.
But I am working towards goals that are important to me, my self worth and my satisfaction. I am making great strides, closing the gap. But I want it Now. I feel I have been waiting on the sidelines for far too long and am finally in the game and ready to run. Now if I can just score a goal, I can be content. For the moment anyway.