I am learning. Slowly but surely, I am learning. I try to force change, and it merely bounces back and kicks me in the teeth. I am trying to practice patience, the Zen of allowing change to happen, and steering myself through these changes, not forcing issues. But this really is not my nature. I want to MAKE things happen, and I know that in order to achieve success, attain goals, that there really is a certain amount of energy that must be expended to create change. And in order to make changes within my own life, changes that I control, there is a definite level of force that must be exerted. Steel will change with heat alone, but you need the hammer to make it take cohesive, functional, beautiful form.
Where I find myself biting my tongue is when I want to force changes in my surroundings, changes that I really have no control over. The changes that must be made by other people. I cannot be responsible for others' actions and reactions, even when it affects me. Even when I have to feign happiness and enthusiasm in the face of my own disappointments as I see choices being made that force me to rethink my own plans, dreams and schemes. I have made a difficult decision today, to keep my thoughts and opinions to myself (tough for me, seriously), and try to sit back and see how events unfold. I know I could have some influence by letting my opinions out of their Pandora-like box, but I have decided I would rather see how the screw turns without my input. This is not easy for me, and I can't guarantee that I can hold on to this commitment for longer than a few days, but I shall try.
Why not unleash my opinions on the unsuspecting public? Because I have. And to no avail. So why keep beating a dead horse? Instead I will continue to focus my energies on the few things that I do have control over, use my energy where it will actually reap some benefits, and stop burning energy and emotion where it just flows out into the ether. Wasteful, unproductive, unappreciated, inefficient use of energy. Today's code word is: Conservation.