Sunday, September 22, 2013

Well Earned Fatigue

    Exhausted. Drained. Hungry. Worn out. Exultant. Jubilant. Triumphant. Blissful. Life continues to hurtle me through time and space. Chronically short on sleep as I try to cram as much adventure, experience, living, loving, and laughter into the time I have. Today, The Firefighter Stairclimb, 41 flights up the Bancorp building in 60+ pounds of full bunker gear with battalions of firefighters from quite literally around the world. Of course, having opted for a wee bit too much fun yesterday, and not enough sleep last night, it was a tougher climb than it should have been. But that is the penalty I pay for my desire to make every waking hour count. Even if it means some of those waking hours really should be spent sleeping. I'll sleep when I'm dead, right? I do know that chronic lack of sleep can contribute to moments of near meltdown, but when that happens, I can look back, remembering the sights, sounds, emotions, and sensations of life that lead me to opt out of wasting time sleeping. Yeah, remind me of this sentiment next time I am whining about insecurities, loneliness, and other self-imposed, self-inflicted stupidities. Yes, I am sure I will have more than a few moments of frailty, I am only human after all, but most of these are echoes from my past, not realities of my present. There is a certain amount of wry amusement as I read recent posts and the underlying currents of self-flagellation. I know it is the change in the weather, encroaching winter, trepidation on my part as memories of the derangements of past winters encroach. Truly though, last winter was mellow, with my only source of chronic aggravation being my employment at the job from hell. Well, that has all changed. This year, for the first time in half a decade, I am heading into the grey days in a job that I love, with co-workers who are sane and amusing, and a boss who is appreciative. Not only is the job situation finally resolved, my personal life is on track, as a matter of fact, it is a major source of bliss. And add to all that, I am setting higher goals, reaching for the stars, the gold ring. So, exhausted, drained, hungry, worn out, and rightfully so. This is well earned fatigue, and I revel in the memories that caused it.

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