Monday, September 16, 2013
More stirrings. Strange, yet familiar. A brief visit from my demons, just a few whispers, reminders, ticklings of self doubt. I felt them coming earlier in the day, but they always wait until I am tired, hungry, and have nothing to keep me busy and distracted. I did not allow them to follow me into the water, where I swam until exhaustion, and endorphins reconstructed my protective shield wall. A belly full of healthy food put the last bit of mortar in the hastily constructed repair. Mania has been propelling me forward, and innervating Brain and Body, but it is exhausting. I know I have to tend to my needs, keep the fortress secure, maintain my even keel. I know what to do, and how to do it. I keep my head high, eyes looking forward, set goals, push my body, extend myself, reach for the stars. I know what to do, know how to do it. No longer do my demons hold domain over me, though they do try to reassert control, sneak in if they think my defenses are weakened. But I know what needs to be done.