Sunday, September 15, 2013
I am beginning to feel the stirrings of Mania. That itch behind the eyelids that makes sleep a rare commodity. On the one hand, I am hoping it is just that my workout schedule has been off the last few weeks as I was tapering for my big race last weekend, and then taking a few days of gentle training to let my abused body recover. This entire week sleep has been elusive, sporadic, intermittent, scarce. Under normal circumstance I would expect to be feeling the ill effects of sleep deprivation, instead I am feeling that all too familiar brain scrambling, innervating, bursting, creative, productive, life-on-speed lunacy that is always the charming upside of life as I know it. I have completely weened myself off of the sleep meds prescribed to me what seems a lifetime ago, when I was taking the scenic route through The Abyss. One might think this would have something to do with my recent visits into the land of long, restless nights. But actually, I tapered off, and stopped completely nearly a month ago. I confess, this last week of abysmal sleep has made me consider refilling my prescription. But no. I don't want to. I have also, long ago, quit taking the anti-depressants. They became totally unnecessary once I got my life on track, my emotional stability on solid ground, shed myself of heavy baggage from my past, kept my mind focused on my epic present, and my eyes looking ahead to my magnificent future. I am feeling more stable and grounded, unaided by meds, than I have in more than a decade. Some of it may be the bliss of my every day existence, some due to my arduous physical regimine, some to my carefully natural eating habits. Whatever it is, I am doing it right. I am healthier, happier, more balanced than I think I have ever been. So, even if Mania is starting to rear its head just a bit, I am pretty sure it is just a good time to get a lot of shit done. I'm not going to let myself worry about a possible future crash, Melancholy revisiting for old time's sake, or demons raising their shaggy heads. Mania is an old friend, a familiar, welcome companion. I say, bring it on, Mania, bring it on.