Friday, November 16, 2012
Specialize in Weird
Amazing how a series of unconnected events can skew my reality, derail Brain, and make focusing on even the most trivial of tasks to be an arduous endeavor. This has been a week of skewing. It has shrouded Brain in a preoccupying, pensive fog. Even a quick foray for groceries ends up a rambling, disjointed trip through aisle after aisle, wandering, distracted, dysfunctional. It is possible that the series of unconnected events just happens to coincide with one of my naturally occurring episodes of muddled mental musings. I am the first to admit that Brain goes on vacations with alarming regularity as the sun dips lower on the southern horizon with the approach of winter. Maybe Brain is a Sunbird? One who travels south once the weather takes its inevitable turn into the short, grey, wet days that seem to stretch on for an eternity. Irregardless of they whys and wheretofores, I find myself desiring escape from reality, a chance to hide away and absorb data. There is so much swirling about me, events far beyond my control that still effect my life at a deep level. Not in the negative, mind you, but definitely in the weird. I am well equipped to deal with Weird, even as it skews my reality. One could say that I have specialized in Weird, it seems drawn to me, or I to it. Weird knows that I am accepting and nonjudgmental where Weird is concerned. I do not readily dismiss an idea, notion, concept that ranks high in the Weird spectrum, if anything it makes me more open and willing. But this last week or two has fallen outside of what I would normally perceive as Weird, and into a category that I can only think of as skewed and reality changing. Let me reiterate, not for the negative, at all, but something quite different. Different enough that I do not know how to categorize or name this. I do not like being unable to pinpoint a name, a diagnosis, a definition. To know something's name is to give one power over it, a modicum of control, a path towards better understanding. As it is I feel as if I am floundering about in my own fogged mind trying to lay a hand on the specter that flits about, just out of reach, and almost out of sight. I catch glimpses, believe I may be reaching an understanding, and then it is gone like a wisp of vapor. Is it me? My Brain? Or is it the new reality that seems to be crystallizing around me? Is it the events that are skewing my reality? Or my perception that is doing the skewing? Until I can take hold, and name this corporeal concept I will not know. I think I must sit still, stop wandering the fog, let it press in against my skin, find stillness, watch and wait for events to play out. But waiting, patience. stillness are not in my Nature, foreign concepts, difficult. But I will try, as I specialize in Weird, and try to find understanding.