Sunday, November 11, 2012

Managing Demons

    I so often find myself surrounded by negativity, pessimism and defeatism, that it can be nigh on impossible to maintain my eternal optimism. I won't lie, I have my ups and downs. I have bouts with self-doubt, panic, melancholy, mania, low self-esteem. There are times when I want to hide my head in the sand and let the chaos and uncertainty of my world swirl about me ignored. There are days when all I want to do is curl into a fetal position, wrapped in my down comforter, and cry silently into my pillow. Yes, all this and more. But I do not allow myself the luxury of such self-pity, defeatism, sadness. When bleakness threatens, I fight against it with all the weapons in my Bag of Tricks. When melancholy wraps frigid digits around my heart and soul I seek out ways to break the grip of those merciless fingers. I have developed a vast array of weapons, an arsenal, a veritable munitions warehouse, my own cold war missile silos. And I am not at all adverse to pulling out all the stops in a full frontal attack. I choose to be happy. I choose to be strong. I choose to stand up to all the foes that would vanquish my sunny disposition if for no other reason than that Misery Loves Company. I say No. I will not be companion to Misery. True, I struggle against my own inner Demons, my own Melancholy, my own Chemistry. But I am not at the mercy of my nature, and most definitely not at the mercy of the nature of others. We choose our own paths. We can choose to perceive our lives as good, happy, satisfying. Or we can chose to feel the victim of events beyond our control, influenced by those who swirl around us. Yes, we have people in our lives that we must associate with, maintain connections with, that may be the root of animosity, stress, depression. But it is our choice to decide just how much we will allow the actions and reactions, choices and moods of the incidental people within our sphere to effect the spark that is sheltered deep within each of us. I protect this Vital Spark, tend to it, shelter it from storms that rage,   shield it from dark rains that would extinguish it. It is within my power to protect myself from assault, from darkness, pervasive gloom, dark anti-matter. I may not always be able to fully protect myself from myself, but I damned sure can and will use every available skill and tactic at my disposal to protect myself from the demons of others. I will manage my own Demons, thank you very much. But keep your's to yourself.

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