Aaargh. Why does Life have to fuck with mind and spirit? It seems that Life is not content to let me make a decision, work towards a specific goal, and achieve a sense of balance and accomplishment. How so? You may well wonder. Very recently, after too many disappointments to count, I managed to realign my priorities, set new goals, aim for fulfillment of a lifetime dream, started getting things rolling towards a new, balanced reality, and generally found a sense of peace within myself. How did Life manage to mess with this? I got a voicemail inviting me to interview for a job that until my recent realignment epiphany, was what I thought would be ideal. Now, I'm not so sure. As a matter of fact, I am hesitant to even return the call.
Part of my realignment/peace realization was just how much freedom my current job allows me. I am unsupervised more than 50% of the time, and even when the boss is sitting ten feet away he lets me do my job mostly unmolested and at whatever pace I so choose. This is because he has never had anyone as reliable and diligent as I am, and I have worked up to this point over the course of five years. Yes, my job sucks on several levels. It is mind numbing and depressing at times, but then what job isn't? The job that isn't is me being able to spend my free time creating artistic pieces and actually marketing them to the public. That is the lifelong dream that I am inches away from making a reality.
Do I pursue the altruistic job with a potential for higher pay, better benefits, and definitely higher stress and the potential for burnout? Or stay put, enjoy my freedoms and easy work, and quit whining about the emotional black-hole of a work environment I am in now? Will my current job even be around in 6 months? With the state of the economy and the sluggish industry, the company may close it's doors mid-winter. I hate having to revisit this quandry over and over.
My immediate reaction is to stay on the path I have only recently discovered. Stay true to my dream of making a living (at least a supplemental income) with beautiful things created by my own mind and hands, and let go of my ambitions for a higher paying, government job. I have to ask myself, can I even be a government drone? Can I go down that path knowing the resstrictions that would be placed on me? I don't know if I can do it. I don't know if I should do it.
I guess I will call back, get set up for the first appointment, that will give me several days to really think about it. I can always call back and say I can't get the time off. But my heart is telling me that I should follow my dream.