Random, lunatic ramblings of a borderline bipolar introvert, seeking a sense of self, a place in the world, inner peace, and at least a semblance of calm. Sharing my many faces, inner turmoils, battles and triumphs.
Sunday, May 17, 2015
The Heart of an Empath
I am not inclined to post the work of other writers. But I read this, and it struck home on every point. I felt the truths in this in every fiber of my being. I have tried to explain why I avoid large gatherings, and most social interaction, but my pithy attempts fall flat. I try to make people understand why I have lived alone for so long, it is self preservation, actually. I avoid confrontation of any kind because it causes a tremor through my body that leaves pain, nausea, stress, anxiety, insomnia, and anguish in its wake. Having the heart of an empath is painful, and a constant cause of distress, even as it makes my world a wondrous place. Here it is, written in glorious prose. (*I apologize for the weird formatting*)
Written by Naomi Hon
"The word ordinary ceases to exist in your dictionary.
Every experience resides on either end of an extreme.
Every day you see things that evoke so much emotion, your mood changes shades the same amount of times the sky does. It yo-yos between streaks of blue and glimmers of yellow—but never without silver linings of glitter. Life is but a giant paint palette of emotions, its colors too obscure to separate.
You’ll find poetry in every conversation you have, sheltered amongst breaths and pauses, sideways glances and tones in voices. No one else sees, hears or feels it. But you always do.
Your fingertips trace scars on lovers instead of perfect features.
You see stories in the eyes of passersby on the street because you see souls instead of irises. You brush past them wondering who they love, what they’ve lost, where they’re going and who they’re trying to be. Everyone and everything has a story you’re dying to memorize.
Your heart bleeds at the sight of beggars because you know that somewhere under those rags lies a treasured item they’ve muffled roars of hunger to keep. It could be anything—a rusty gold locket, an oversized coat handed down by a deceased parent,or a crumpled picture of a loved one they’ve lost.
Children in elevators fill your heart with so much joy, you always smile just a little wider the second their parents notice your gaze. You see the exhaustion in their polite smile, and picture the love they put into raising their children every day.
Oil spills in gutters look like mini rainbows. Raindrops on windshields look like fallen stars. Fizzy drinks in glasses look like the evening sea. There is no such thing as a mundane day, and boredom is a problem you’ll never be plagued with.
You enter rooms filled with strangers and feel suffocated by the invisible sparks of electricity flickering in the air. You can pinpoint who’s fighting or flirting without knowing either party from 20 feet away. Like a wet sponge, your body has this tendency of soaking up all the energy around you. Negativity gets sucked into your pores, and affects you so much it almost always ruins your day.
Not caring just isn’t an option.
No one has ever done you wrong, no matter how bad the crime, without you understanding why they did so. Friends seek your solace because they know you’ll help them realize what the person they’re angry at could be going through. This makes it virtually impossible for you to detest anyone. So you end up detesting yourself instead for never not understanding why.
But this very trait enables you to love the broken. You refuse to believe everyone isn’t good at heart even though this permanent naivety is usually what ends up stinging you.
To have the heart of an empath is both a blessing and a curse.
You have no control over the intensity of things you feel, or how other people’s feelings affect you. But empaths were born with copious amounts of compassion and endless empathy for a reason. In a world where people numb their feelings and ignore chaos, empaths are there to demand that feelings be felt.
To see the beauty in the details, and in sadness, too."