Wednesday, May 27, 2015

Fit In? Why?

    Life, my life, is never as easy as I could wish. I try to move forward, make what the world deems to be positive changes. I sometimes wish I could fit in with what other people seem to expect of me. I sometimes wish my life was more plebeian, run of the mill, socially acceptable. I sometimes wish that non-conformity wasn't hardwired into my soul. I know that the way I live may seem chaotic, untidy, scatterbrained. But it is who I am. I can't change that. I am over half a century old and have fought against my nature for most of that time. It has only been in the last few years that I have felt more in control of who I am, the mistress of my destiny, the hand at the tiller. But still I fight against my true nature. What do I want from life? Where do I want to go. What do I want to be when I grow up? These are valid questions. Questions that I actually ask myself. Yet I seem incapable of answering them honestly, even to myself, because I want to give the answers that are expected of me. Today I decided that I need to learn to answer myself honestly and with integrity, and to hell with what I think other people expect to hear from me. What do I want to be when I grow up? I still don't know. But then, who says I have to grow up at all? Now, if you don't mind, I am going to get back to work on the epic fort in my back yard.

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