Lately, I have felt a loss of focus and direction with all aspects of my life. Nothing huge, or blatant. Just a pervasive feeling of floundering. I am busier than ever, so much to do all the time. Triathlon training; firefighter responsibilities and ongoing training; planting my garden and adding to the collection of fruit trees and vines; leather business; creating my stone patio and fire pit; revamping my shed into the ultimate fort; time with my beloved family. So much to do, and yet I feel unfocused and adrift.
I am having trouble seeing things through to the end. What my friend Mel calls "Task Completion." So much to do that life feels like a constant distraction. Am I enjoying life? Hells to the yeah. I love my life. But have still had this sense that something was missing. Today was the epiphany.
I was on my bike, pedaling, sweating, when I realized that with all the focus I have put on my physical and mental condition, my spiritual connection has slipped. I have disconnected, lost my way, wandered from the path. I have always considered myself to be very spiritual, and still do. But I think I need more. And maybe it isn't so much about regaining my spirituality, as it is integrating all the parts that make up the being that is Me.
I used to write so much about Brain, Body, and Spirit. Each as the important entity that they are. Each as an individual aspect, and yet all part of the whole. I have known that I need to keep Body strong to shelter Brain and Spirit when they falter, or are thrown against the rocks in a storm. Body has always been the strong one, the fortress, the temple. I have devoted a lot of time and energy into maintaining my strength and physical health. Brain has been on the mend and continually improving over these last few years, once it was free from the hamster wheel of anxiety and depression. Spirit has always taken a bit of a backseat in regards to regular tune-ups and maintenance. Spirit always seemed to do well on its own, not needing quite the obsessive care and feeding as did Brain and Body. But even the most durable of vehicles will begin to falter if it is neglected and taken for granted.
It is time to integrate Spirit into the daily workout regiment. I have neglected this vital aspect for too long, and I am beginning to pay the price. Today I realized that it is this disconnect, this negligence that is at the core of my vague feelings of unease and dissatisfaction. I think that by reconnecting with my spirituality that I can regain focus, find my path, and lead myself to fulfill dreams and desires that I have thought were unobtainable. I believe I can do this. I can reestablish my inner energy flow, tap into the source of life and creativity. I believe I can do this. And it all begins now.