Sunday, December 15, 2013

The Dawn Of New Beginnings

    Once again I feel on the verge of new beginnings. I am always trying to keep moving, moving ahead, growing, changing, challenging myself. It is a journey that began a few years back, after years of letting myself coast through life, taking it on the chin, being led about by situations that I told myself I had no control over. Then I took control. It was not easy, but not nearly as hard as I had imagined in my mind for those years. Now, I am so far removed from the person I was then, yet somehow the person I used to be, and more of the person I want to be. I strive, always, to be a better person in Mind, Body, and Spirit. Every day I hope that I can make one small step towards becoming the person I know I should be, will be. I have set challenges for myself, material, physical, mental, emotional. And met them. I own my own home, am a firefighter and drive a fire engine, am a triathlete and completed a half-Ironman, I am in the best condition of my life physically and mentally. All this in two years. Not too bad. Yet I still know that there is so much more to be done, challenges to set and meet, improvements to be made. Although I know that perfection is impossible, I yearn to be as near it as I can, in my own imperfect way. Perfectly imperfect, or imperfectly perfect.
    Even with all I have done of late, I want more. I refuse to settle for the mundane, the easy, the plebeian. I am not one for New Year's resolutions, I never have been. But with the ending of this year, and the dawn of 2014 just a few weeks away, I am mindful of what I want to do, and where I want to be next year. The last 18 months have been a time for me to work diligently on the physical, and now that is such standard routine that I can afford to shift my focus a bit without concern that I will slack off in any way. As a matter of fact, I am already setting new goals, and instigating the training plans to achieve them. But this coming year I will turn my attentions inward, to continue my path towards mental and spiritual enlightenment and balance. I know that I can't achieve all I wish to without Brain and Spirit being totally onboard with Body. To move ahead I need to quiet my demons, hush their negative, belittling commentaries, banish them to a far off cavern where they will be unlikely to ever interfere with my dreams and plans. This has been a heavy burden for me over the years, those naysaying voices in my head that try to convince me that I am a failure, second rate, girl on the side, from the wrong side of the tracks, a nobody that would not be missed. I know that no matter what achievements and successes I may enjoy, until I can silence the demons, I will never be able to think of myself as successful, in any way. So, this is my goal for 2014, to merge Brain, Spirit, and Body into an unstoppable force, a vehicle that will take me wherever I wish to go. I will find balance and peace, calm and quiet, strength and power. I am on the verge, my feet are heading down this path, towards new beginnings, new challenges, new victories, my imperfect perfection.

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