This is how the conversations have gone:
"Hey, remember the last time? You were really hammered."
Me, "No, I wasn't."
"Yeah you were. You were totally lit!"
"I was drinking coffee."
"No way, but I saw you..."
"And then you..."
"Uh huh. Stone cold sober."
"But you were.... and it was hilarious."
Rambunctious. Eager. Enthusiastic. Excitable. Delirious. Intense. Joyful. Enraptured. Rowdy.
Or... Hyper. Obsessive. Manic. Spastic. Dysfunctional. Childish. Fixated. Intimidating.
"Relax." "Breathe." "Take it easy." "Grow up." "Knock it off." "Take it easy." "Settle down." "Simmer down." "Slow down." "Sit down." Down, down, down.
No! No I will not. I will not take it easy, settle down, or grow up. I will not rein myself in for propriety's sake. I want to bounce off the walls. Run down the halls singing at the top of my lungs. I want to do cartwheels in the grass. I want to live my life to the utmost. I have spent too many years of my life trying to obey some unspoken rules on "Grownup" behavior. I call bullshit. I want to charge ahead, full speed, feeling the winds of my very existence with the same physicality as 85 mph on the back of my beloved Bob. My life is my own, to enjoy, to revel in, to share, and I will not be tightfisted. I want to consume life with both hands, wrap myself around it, let it explode all around me, revel in the messy glory of it all. I want to feel life, laughter, and love with every fiber of my being. I want to experience all that the Universe has to offer. I will not Settle Down. I will not Rein Myself In. I am rambunctious. It is who I am. I am and always have been the Whirlwind, the Maelstrom, the Fire Within. There is far too much joy to be experienced, too much laughter to release upon the world, too much love to share, too much life to even think about trying to rein myself in. I am me. I am Rambunctious.