Thursday, November 12, 2015

The Gentle Dance

    I make no bones about it, I am inclined to jump in feet first, "Leap Before I Look Girl." This is fine when I am just interested in play, which has been my M.O. in the world of relationships for quite some time now. I haven't felt I had the time, patience, or interest in anything serious. Honestly, I haven't had what amounts to a "serious" relationship in about 2 years. And it wasn't all that serious. Since then I have had a mutually beneficial FWB agreement that worked fantastic for about a year. Then, I decided to just dabble, play. I have not had time nor the inclination for anything more than the occasional friendly encounter. As a matter of fact, I stopped putting out any feelers, vibes, or whatever you want to call it. I finally reached a point when I just decided to open myself to The Universe, and let whatever comes come. In all honesty, I came to a quiet understanding with myself that in all likelihood I would be single the rest of my life. This may still be true, but suddenly there has been a shift. An oh so subtle shift. Subtle, and yet it seemed to send a tremor to the core of my earth.
    Now, I am content to take time, go slowly, allow myself to be wooed and courted. And it seems to be a reality. I had almost forgotten what it like to meet someone in my day to day life. Meet and begin to know and understand. It starts so quietly, simply, casually. It is nothing, until you stand close and feel the hairs on your arm rising as if wanting to touch the strong arm that is so near. Then it is the smiles, greetings more exuberant with each day, eye contact that last longer than is necessary. Curious, this slow build up. I had forgotten what the mating dance can be like out in the real world. A clever ploy to make sure we exchange numbers, he was sly, shy, and charming. Then, a hug, standing in the pouring rain. A full body hug. Then a goodbye as we both got back to our respective obligations. Simple, platonic (almost).
    Now, the light touches as we talk. I touch his arm. He touches my hand. I am at work, he is a customer, it is professional, mostly. He reaches across the counter and holds my hand. My brain scrambles to near dysfunction.
    We talk of so many things, sharing brief glimpses of our souls. There seems to be a core compatibility. Shared dreams, parallel experiences, mutual understanding.
    Still, it is platonic (mostly). A fledgling friendship with the warmth of chemistry. It is interesting, this gentle dance out in the real world. Total strangers a few months ago, with a chance meeting, neither looking, and yet here we are. I do not know where it will go. Maybe nowhere. Or maybe somewhere new. Somewhere I have never had the chance to go. That place where I am The One. Not The Girl On The Side. Not The Runner Up. Not The Default Partner. Not An Interesting Diversion. Maybe this time, when I was not looking, when I had decided that I don't care if I am alone (because I am very good company for myself). Maybe, this time? Who knows? I have zero expectations. But the gentle dance is interesting.

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