Days like today remind me (forceably) that I always need to accept ownership of my decisions and actions. I should not cast blame elsewhere because life doesn't always work out as planned. This is a hard lesson to learn, and a very hard lesson to accept. As much as I would like to put my troubles off onto some other source, in the end it is my own decisions that make or break my world. Because it is my world, my very own, and I need to be responsible for it.
So once again, all I can do is pick myself up, dust myself off and try to continue along the path to some sort of fulfilling life. I remind myself of the things in life that I have accomplished, the lives I have changed for the better, people and animals I have helped along the way, altruistic deeds that help keep my karma in the positive zone. But some days, like today, this doesn't seem like enough. It seems that I should be further along the the path of "success" however arbitrary it may be. Today it is not enough to merely own my actions, I am feeling the need to own the American Dream that is held alluringly out of reach, Try as I might, time and again, I cannot reach that carrot on the stick. So that makes me the Ass that keeps plugging along the path, ever trying to reach the carrot, never managing to do so and getting hungrier with every futile step, tripping, falling, backsliding down a slippery slope. But still, trying to reach the damned carrot.
Again though, I will own my actions. They were my decisions to make, despite regrets, there is nothing to do to change the past so I must continue to look at the future. No matter how dim things seem on some days, I have to tell myself that the fog will eventually lift and my future will seem brighter for having been in the darkness.
I dust myself off again, pick boot tread out of my teeth again, and once again try to put one foot in front of the other. On my own two feet, on my own path.