Sunday, March 26, 2017

Ongoing Ponderings

    An ongoing train of thought/contemplation for me this winter, as well as over the last few years really, is wondering What I Want To Be When I Grow Up. Actually, it is because I don't want to grow up, but I still need to financially support myself. I toy with so many different ideas. Ideas, plans, dreams, schemes, fantasies. My mind goes off on all tangents. Sometimes when I swim my mind launches into some amazing scenarios. Sometimes it is merely what I would like to do with my home and garden, sometimes it is ideas to make money, other times it is closer to the fantasy of being able to be a reclusive artist. I don't know what to do. I feel like time is running out for some routes, since age is definitely a factor for anything requiring lengthy schooling. Other ideas, I look towards my grandmother Pearl, who was an artist right up to the end. What to do? I don't know. I wish I had the courage to just jump. Just go after whatever I want to do and damn the fears of money. But that isn't realistic is it? I do have financial obligations (including back taxes that scare the hell out of me). For now I think I just need to find the motivation to complete projects that are all around me. Little things, in my house, in my garden, in life in general. I need a sponsor.

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