As the days shorten, and cold grey days are on the horizon, I do everything I can to shore up my faltering spirit. It is that time of year when all I want to do is eat copious amounts of carbs, drink vast amounts of tea, crawl under my down comforter with a book and shut out the world. In other words; it is time to hibernate. I have learned that I am solar powered. Despite my need to avoid the sun for melanoma reasons, I crave the heat and the sun. As the days shorten and temperatures drop I cast about for any weapon I can use to battle off the inevitable winter melancholy that is always hovering nearby, waiting its chance to possess my soul.
I blow the dust off of some of my motivational training books, and prowl the library for new ones. Currently on my night stand is "The Triathlete's Training Bible." I am prepping Body and Brain for winter training sessions that will sweat the melancholy right out of me. Barely into the book and I find; "What you believe, you can achieve." It feels fitting for the path my life has taken over the last few years. I am not one to believe in the woo-woo concept of books like "The Secret" that preach visualization to obtain wealth and power. But I do know that if you have belief in yourself you can follow any path you choose. Too many people live miserable lives because they lack faith in their dreams, or fear failure if they chase after those dreams. I have been held back by fear. Sometimes I still am. It is not easy to face an uncertain future alone. It is frightening to choose to live on the razor's edge of poverty so that I can live my life without being shackled to someone else's idea of success.
I have made a conscious decision to try and keep chasing after the vision of how I want my life to be. "Everything that is, or ever was, began as a dream." I can see so clearly in my mind's eye where I want my life to go, where I want to be, how I want to live my life. There is a clarity to my vision. There are also whispers of doubt. My demons sneaking in on the cool, autumn breeze. They know that winter is their season. I know that winter is their domain unless I fight to wrest control from them. I hold my dreams before me like a light to chase the shadows. This is going to be a rough winter, I have no doubt, but I believe in my dreams, and have to hope that they will sustain me.