Saturday, March 14, 2015


    20/20 hindsight, older and wiser, time lending perspective. Call it what you will, but I have learned a valuable lesson over the last few years. Consider what to all eyes appears to be the Alpha Male: physically strong, swaggering, playing rough games, full of bravado and stories of exploits long past. These men want the world to see them as the strong, intimidating Alphas they think they are. I used to believe this. And yet even as I believed I still saw the chinks in their macho armor. Yes, strong and loud in the company of others of their ilk, but timid and indecisive in the real world. They have to tell you they are dominant, but they can't prove it with actions.
    This last year has taught me a different perspective. There is "alpha" and then there is dominant. The so-called alpha wishes he were dominant, and maybe within his small circle he is. But take him outside of his comfort zone and the only way he can prove his dominance is with unnecessary volume and acts of physical prowess. Yes, there is strength, but it is not dominance. I knew this, in my heart of hearts.
    But it was only recently, with a single sentence, that the whole concept fully gelled in my mind, "I won't be topped by anyone." This may not mean much to most people, but I knew the truth behind this simple statement. It is not about physical prowess, displays of physical strength, intimidating and bullying those that are smaller or weaker, loud stories oft repeated of past glories, arrogance. Those are the acts of a wannabe, a pretender to the throne, the sheep in wolf's clothing. I have learned that dominance has nothing to do with physical size and strength, but of inner confidence and power. Control and understanding, intelligence and discipline, honor and loyalty, pride and respect, self control and self respect. Tops and bottoms, Dominants and submissives. Simple words, complex relationships.
    It is interesting what you learn, stepping outside of the comfort zone. Amazing what you get when you understand yourself, accept who you are, and communicate openly with one who can appreciate who I am in my heart. It only took me a lifetime to find acceptance and understanding for who I truly am. And along with acceptance I found true respect, honesty, courtesy, and trust.

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