Sunday, May 18, 2014

Full Moon

    This week was the full moon, the Flower Moon, to be precise. A full moon is a time to perform prosperity rituals, a time when the power of the moon is at its fullest. Rituals can be simple prayers, or elaborate, fully accoutered shin-digs. I prefer simplicity, sending my hopes and aspirations out into the Universe, the full moon acting as a signal boost. This last week, as I stood on my back porch, gazing up at the moon framed between my two, giant willow trees, I pondered my needs. Prosperity. What did I need? What changes did I want to happen to improve my life, my comfort, my actual prosperity? As I stood there, bathed in silver luminosity, I ran through the litany: wealth, health, happiness, love. With a bit of a shock I realized that there was nothing to ask for, nothing I wanted or needed that I don't already have.
    Wealth? Yes, I could use more money, who couldn't? But the reality is that I have my little house, and despite a near constant struggle to pay bills and "get ahead" I really do have everything I need. I am well fed, have a solid house, though not debt free I am doing all right. So, no need for wealth.
    Health? I am the healthiest I think I have ever been. Yes, I am older, and do feel the aches and pains of someone who has lived an active life, but g'damn, I feel great. I am strong, healthy, slender, well toned, and getting more fit by the day (or at least by the week). I am doing things with my body that I could never have imagined 3 years ago.
    Happiness? It is no secret that I struggle with depression. I have let this become a public fact within the barely censored words of this blog. Some days I feel so imbalanced that it is a struggle to keep a "normal" facade at work. But, I do manage it, and manage it quite well. But my strong, vital physical shell, my Temple, protects my delicate spirit, gets me through the toughest of days. Then I escape to my lovely little home, and do what needs to be done to return everything to balance. My demons have been relatively calm and quiet these days. I think we have developed a truce of sorts. Besides the depression, I am actually incredibly happy with where my life is. I have my cherished freedom, I live my life the way I wish, in a way that was only a heavily guarded secret a few years past. I am not burdened with possessions, yet have more than enough creature comforts. I am surrounded by adoring animals who entertain, help keep me grounded, and chase off most hints of loneliness. I have rid my life of toxic people, am surrounded by people who's company I enjoy, family who nurture my soul, and am working towards the inner peace that comes with a simple lifestyle. I am the happiest I have been in a very long time.
    Love? Here is a bit of a tricky subject. Do I have a soulmate, a spouse, a partner? No. Soulmates are highly over-rated. Spouse, been there, it was a good marriage, but I have no need to tie myself down. Partner, yes it might be nice to have someone to help share the load sometimes, but then I would have to give up some of my cherished freedom. Not a price I am willing to pay. I do have a "partner in crime" as I like to call him. We have an understanding that works exceptionally well; no ties, no guilt, no recriminations, no need for daily contact, no endless texts. We get together a couple of times a month, enjoy our time together immensely, then each of us goes back to our separate lives feeling content and satiated. Love? No, it isn't love, but it is a great friendship. As for love, I have my family. The unconditional love and respect of my children and grandchildren, my parents, my extended family. What more do I need? If I am feeling the need for love it is easy enough for me to stop on my way home, gather my grandson in my arms, and feel his little arms wrap around my shoulders in a heartfelt, innocent, loving hug. And don't underestimate the joyous greeting of dogs at the front door, and their absolute love for me. What more is there to life and love?
    And so, as I stood on my back porch, gazing up at the beauty of the full Moon, feeling her silver rays bathing my face, I realized that I do not need a prosperity ritual since I have all that I want and need. Instead I sent out a prayer of thanks to the Universe, a heartfelt appreciation for all that I do have. I am a very prosperous, lucky woman, and now I know it.

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