Monday, March 3, 2014

What Price Freedom?

    Freedom comes at a cost. Both financial and physical. Looking at my bank balance (which is quite ugly at the moment), and having spent part of my evening trying in vain to massage my own shoulders after many hours of arduous do-it-yourself home improvements, I can't help but think how nice it would be sometimes to have a partner. I see other couples sharing expenses, splitting chores (many hands make light work), being there in support at times of need, and giving the occasional shoulder rub, and I can't but help be a bit envious. True, I answer to no one. My body, heart, and soul are mine to do with what I will at any given moment without having to check in with anyone. I do the mental account balancing, pros and cons, pluses and minuses, checks and balances. Sometimes my accounts come up short, usually though, they are stable and solid. But I do pay the price, there is no doubt. I know that down the road, the older I get, the less likely it is that someone will enter my life as a reliable partner. Oh sure, I have a partner in crime, but that is a whole 'nother situation altogether. I really do think that I have mentally reached the realization that I will likely be alone, at least in the whole "life partner" kinda way, for the rest of my life. After my latest failure in this arena I have just come to the point that I almost don't care anymore. I mean really, what is the point? Do I want someone in my life demanding time and energy, likely leaving me in a deficit? Or would I rather be queen of my own little world, and to hell with reality? But I do pay the price. I struggle, I admit. Life is tough for anyone who is going it alone, unless they are fortunate enough to make a good living, which I do not, and they can afford to pay for services, which I can't. Instead, it is all on me, every bill, every cooked meal, every home improvement, every dish washed, all me. No wonder I have absolutely no spare time. That is the price I pay. A small price for freedom, really, but sometimes it hurts nonetheless.

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