Life is making me more than just a trifle crazy lately. It seems I spend so much time waiting for results of my every effort, left in Limbo, adrift, hovering, clock watching. I want to move forward with so many aspects of Life, and I make concerted efforts to do so, but it feels as if I put my attempts out into the ether and then have to sit back and wait an eternity to see if the powers that be even noticed my endeavors.
As I wait of course I think of everything that could go wrong with every plan that I try to set into motion. I will obsessively go over transactions in my head, searching for flaws, I will re-proofread documents and applications looking for any minutiae that may act as a rock in the cogs. The problem with Limbo is it gives me far too much time to think, ponder, obsess, tweak.
I mentally rein myself in, try to force Brain to move onto a different track, change speed and direction. But inevitably, Brain will jump back onto the obsession track if I'm not riding the reins hard, watching every move, sensing underlying quivers of disobedience. Damn Brain anyway.
I do tell myself that being in Limbo about housing, job, life in general, is far less stressful than waiting to hear back on biopsy results, or news on a missing or injured family member, or... or... or... There are so many other things far worse to be waiting for than whether or not I will get to buy a house, get a better paying job, or figure out what I want to do with my life. I know that Limbo such as mine is agonizing more because it is the anticipation and knowledge that I am standing on the edge on an abyss of unknown depth, waiting to step off into a new adventure of unlimited potential.
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